Today I found out something that will surely rock you to your very bones. As opposed to any other sorts of bone that you may or may not possess.
This earth-shattering something is that there are people out there who don’t like cheese. And when asked why they simply reply “I just don’t.” Clearly this is not good enough.
Firstly I think I should clear up that I am not among the small number of people out there who have a severe cheese fetish. This will include filling a room with various types of cheese, including grated (very important), and rolling about in it, yelling at the top of their voice “Bad Cheese! Bad Cheese!” before losing themselves in a writhing fit of cheese inspired ectasy. The main problem with this condition is that I have probably made it up. Not too sure on that one. But I am most definitely not one of the Cheese Fetish People. Not now. Not ever.
Anyway I am sure that we are in agreement that there is not such thing as too much cheese but these non-cheesy fiends disagree and say that no cheese is too much. To fight them the only real course of action is to pelt them with babybels before forcing them into a room with furniture made out of cheddar and red leicester. Whilst they are in there they must be squirted with numerous varieties of squirty cheese before they lapse into a cheese-induced coma.

Or you could go for the second option and simply learn to live with it. Take your pick. I’m not fussy.

This article has been granted its own category which has been put in place to deal with all cheese related issues.